In Memoriam
by You Got Dunham'd
Summary: A new future means Peter must finally face his past. P/O


I am potentially the worst FF writer ever in terms of updates so I thought I would do the sensible thing for once and write a oneshot! I know that the issue of baby Henry has been worked into a lot of FF's but I wanted to give it a go as well. All I have to say is enjoy and as always your thoughts and comments are much appreciated!

Muchos Gracias,

LK.

* * *

**In Memoriam**

Peter took a deep breath as he prepared for the moment they had been eagerly awaiting for the past thirty-three weeks. Thirty three long, drawn out, almost unbearable weeks of anticipation all building up to this moment and now it was finally here he wasn't entirely sure if he was ready.

A hand thrust itself into his palm and wound tight around his fingers, increasing the pressure to an excruciating level once again, as it had been doing repeatedly for the past forty-five minutes before suddenly releasing once more. Peter looked down at Olivia, whose gaze was firmly ahead, clearly focused on the task at hand and he had to be honest with himself, after twenty eight hours in labour without drugs her determination was extremely admirable. He noticed that Olivia was preparing to bear down once more and it was clear from the distressed yelp that she made that they were nearly there.

'Fantastic Olivia, one more push and we will have a head ' the doctor announced as Olivia fell back onto the mountain of pillows behind her, desperately trying to catch her breath and compose herself before the next contraction hit.

Peter momentarily looked down at the sight before him, his child was almost here. No longer were they a projection on an ultrasound or a thumping heartbeat that sounded as if it were miles away but an actual tangible living thing with wisps of dark hair covering its head. From that moment everything was a blur; he faintly remembers a scream, nails boring into his hand and words of encouragement from the doctor but mostly what he remembers is the cry, the shocked cry from his child as it entered the world. Peter knew that for as long he lived, that would be the most precious sound he could ever hear. It represented hope, joy, but mostly that unconditional love that wound tight around his heart and made him let out a choked cry as the pink, fussing bundle was placed on Olivia's chest.

'Oh my god!' Olivia exclaimed in between pants as she lifted the newborn further up her chest in order to take in every inch of flesh, every toe, every finger, and every hair.

'What is it?' Peter asked, as he wiped away the steady stream of tears that began to make their way down his face.

Olivia let out a tired laugh as she realised that they hadn't even bothered to check the sex, too overwhelmed by the fact that their baby was finally here, regardless of whether it was a boy or girl.

Peter gently lifted the cotton blanket that had been placed over the baby and peered under it.

'It's a girl!' He announced as he felt the ache in his cheeks from the delighted grin he was wearing.

'It's a girl' Olivia smiled wearily, turning the baby around in order to fully take in her features.

Seemingly shy she burrowed her head back into Olivia's chest, fists up defensively against her tiny face, but not before they could glimpse at her perfect, angelic features.

Crystal blue eyes peered up at them, gazing around in an attempt to focus while her pink rosebud lips puckered in the sweetest way.

'She's so beautiful Peter' Olivia said, clearly in awe over the life that she had just created.

Peter couldn't reply, there was just something so familiar about those blue eyes, that button nose and the way her tiny hand rested against her face as she fell into a slumber. It was a familiar feeling yet haunted him in a way that he couldn't quite believe; that was when he realised that he had seen an almost carbon copy of that face before except for the dark hair. It was the face that represented his biggest mistake, his biggest betrayal to date. It was Henry.

Of course he thought, how could he be so naive as to think that there wouldn't have been similarities between the two of them? Genetically they had exactly the same make up so it would make sense that there would be a likeness. But a carbon copy? That was the universes way of making sure that he could never forget that past, that he could never forget the fact that he had erased his own flesh and blood for a second chance at a relationship that was still in its infancy.

'Don't you think?' Olivia asked softly, breaking Peter out of his daydream, as she brushed her finger back and forth over the baby's cheek as she drifted off to sleep.

'Huh?' Peter replied, as his stomach churning as the realization of the situation hit him.

'That she's beautiful' Olivia replied, now looking up to take in the pale, anxious face of her partner.

'Hey, are you ok? I know it's a lot to take in. Do you want to hold her?' Olivia said, completely misunderstanding the fear in Peters face as that of a new father facing parenthood.

'No' Peter replied, almost jumping back as far as possible away from Olivia and the baby as he physically could. Registering the confusion in Olivia's face, he attempted to alleviate her concern.

'No. I mean she is just so small and she looks comfortable in your arms. I just don't want to disturb her yet, she has had a tough day'

'Yeah, her and me both. But she was more than worth it' Olivia replied as she peppered the baby's tiny head with kisses.

'I love you' Olivia said sincerely as she looked up to Peter.

'I love you too'

...

'You know we should really think of giving her a name' Olivia mused as they both sat on the sofa staring in wonder at the tiny baby nestled in her rocker.

'She deserves to have a name that means something, after everything we've been through she deserves something special, because she is special. When we come across the right name, we'll know' Peter replied.

Everybody had warned him about the first few weeks of parenthood and that nothing could prepare you for what was in store but if Peter was honest with himself the first 48 hours had been a breeze and for that he was thankful. It had given him precious time to reflect upon the past and what it meant for his future, for his family's future. It had also given him a chance to grieve for what he had lost but also for what he never had a chance to have.

He had always planned on telling Olivia about Henry but there was just never a good time. Between the near destruction of two worlds, her death and an unexpected pregnancy it was hardly fair to ask her to face his betrayal yet again and open up wounds that were probably still healing. Peter knew however that it couldn't go unresolved for much longer; every time he looked at the newborn in front of him or held her against his chest he thought of the child that could have been and sooner rather than later Olivia would notice that his fears weren't simply that of a worried father.

'Liv' Peter croaked, as he cleared his throat. He felt as if he was dangling on the edge of a cliff, willing himself to take that jump.

'Yeah?' Olivia acknowledged, seemingly disinterested as she rested her head on his shoulder in a vain attempt to get some rest before the next feed.

'There's something we need to talk about, something I need to tell you'

In any other circumstance Olivia would have asked to talk about it later, prioritizing her sleep, but there was something in his voice, a quiver, which alerted her senses to the fact that something was not ok. She lifted her head up off his shoulder and untangled her body from his in order to face him, to face whatever he needed to talk about.

'What is it?' She questioned

'It's about the other timeline, something that happened. Something that I never had the chance to tell you until now'

Olivia paused, silently willing him to go on.

'It involves _her'_

As tired as her senses were, Olivia didn't miss the way Peter said '_her'_, clearly indicating to the Olivia who stole so much more than just her mail and food during her time over here, she stole Peter. Deep down Olivia was angry at Peters extraordinarily poor timing, they had just bought their daughter home this morning from the hospital and he chooses now to discuss this bitterly painful part of her past.

'What about her?' Olivia quivered, reaching down into the rocker in order to pick up the bundle that had now begun fussing. She had to hand it to her daughter; she had inherited her father's poor timing if nothing else.

'There's no easy way for me to say this so I guess I'm just going to have to come out and say it' Peter stated, maintaining strong eye contact with his partner throughout.

'Say what?' Olivia replied, the panic now extremely evident in her voice, preparing her for whatever was about to hit her. And whatever it was she knew it was going to potentially hurt, everything relating to _her_ hurt.

'She had my child'

But nothing could have prepared her for those four words.

Olivia couldn't say anything. She simply sat there planted to the sofa, feeling increasingly numb but not breaking the eye contact they had held the whole time. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of not having to see the pain and hurt flash through those jade eyes that pleaded back at him, pleading at him, begging for it not to be true.

'I'm sorry Olivia. I'm so sorry. I had no idea about it until you were taken by David Robert Jones' Peter begged back, begging for forgiveness from his partner for this devastating betrayal. But he feared it was too late, the signs of Olivia's defences closing around her were already appearing.

Olivia looked down at her daughter who was getting fussier by the minute, perhaps picking up on the distress emanating from her mother.

'And you chose now of all times to tell me' Olivia replied, holding the newborn close to her chest in a vain attempt to calm her. 'Why now?' Olivia asked, pleading for some rational explanation from him.

'Liv' was all Peter could muster in between holding back his own tears. If there was one thing that he couldn't bear it was seeing Olivia hurt, and to be the one to cause her this hurt cut like a knife.

'No. You don't get to do this Peter. You don't get to say things like that and not explain' she scorned, now walking in circles in front of the sofa as she tried to deal with the now hysterical baby perched over her shoulder.

'She had him upon returning to the other side and I...' Peter took a deep breath 'I ended up erasing him when I stepped into the machine'

'I don't understand why you would tell me this now? Why now Peter? I've just given birth to your daughter. I thought this was behind us, I thought she was our clean slate from everything we've suffered'

Peter got up from the sofa and made his way to Olivia who was now holding the baby against her protectively, like a lion with its cub.

'No, please don't come over here and tell me that you're sorry and that's its going to be ok because how can it be? Is she some replacement for the child that you lost, is that her purpose? Is that why she is special?' The tears cascaded down her face, trickling into the dark hair on her daughters head before each one rested in the glossy wisps that had now begun to settle on her precious head. Her motherly instinct was kicking in, willing her to get her tiny cub out of this tumultuous situation, to lock her away forever so that she would never have to face this pain, nobody should have to face this pain.

'Liv please' Peter called as he followed her out of the living room towards the stairs that she was now ascending.

'Please Peter; I can't think straight right now. I think you should leave for a few hours' Olivia managed to get out between the sobs.

Peter knew that there was no use arguing with her, after what he had just put her through she deserved to be given the space that she so obviously needed in order to figure this all out.

...

He didn't know how he ended up here but somehow the lab offered him the solace that he could quite honestly do with after the events earlier today.

'Peter! What a lovely surprise' Walter remarked jovially as he walked into the lab followed by Astrid who seemed to be laden with grocery bags.

'Have you brought the baby?' Walter asked as he searched around Peter for a carrier or stroller, failing to find either.

'No, just me' Peter replied downcast.

Astrid walked over to them and preceded to place her hand over the younger man's which was wrapped firmly around a cup of now cold coffee.

'Hey, is everything ok?' She asked.

Peter almost chuckled at her remark. No everything was not ok; how could he even start to explain that things were definitely far from ok?

'Erm no not really' Peter replied with a wan smile.

'Son, what's wrong? Has something happened to Olivia and the baby?' Walter asked worriedly.

'No, they're fine. Well physically they're fine. Olivia and I had a bit of a domestic and she just needs some space' Peter gave a half-lie. Technically she did need space but calling it a domestic implied that there situation was common to any bickering couple and it was fair to say that there situation was as far from normal as possible.

'When your mother, I mean my Elizabeth had just given birth her hormones were all over the place. Olivia will calm eventually and I'm sure that whatever has upset her is probably nothing' Walter replied.

'Trust me Walter, this is far from nothing and frankly I think she would have reacted in the same way even if she didn't have a whole load of hormones racing through her' Peter replied solemnly.

'Then what is it?' Walter prodded.

'I told her that in the other timeline I had a baby by the other Olivia. I never got to meet him, he was erased when I went into the machine but I felt that she had a right to know. I knew I couldn't keep something like that from her and I was planning to tell her when the whole Bell situation blew over and things got back to normal, well as near normal as possible but then I found out she was pregnant and there wasn't the right time' Peter confessed.

'So you told her two days after she had your baby?' Astrid asked. Now that somebody had questioned his actions Peter realised that his timing actually couldn't have been any worse.

'I guess it does make me sound like a complete jerk huh? She just looks so much like Henry that I guess I couldn't cope with it'

'Son, if I have learnt anything it's that it takes a real man, a strong man to face up to his mistakes and I'm proud of you for doing what's morally right over what is easy. I for one know that it's incredibly hard to make that choice. These secrets eat you up and consume you and although it hurts now it will hurt a lot less later' Walter confessed as he pulled his son into a fatherly hug.

'Olivia's strong, it might take her a while to understand but she will get there and you'll both come out of this stronger' Astrid said encouragingly.

'Yeah, I just wish I didn't have to be the one to hurt her' He mused.

'Son, you've done the right thing. Granted your timing could have been better but its best that she knows now. Astrid is right, just give her time'

...

The house was dark when Peter returned except for the dim glow of the nightlight radiating out of the tiny crack in the nursery door. Peter quietly opened the wooden door in order to catch a glimpse at its occupant. There in the corner of the room she lay snug in her bassinet under the pink fleece blanket Astrid had bought for her welcome home present. He noted how peaceful she was, how at peace she seemed to be with everything and Peter found himself praying that she never lost that innocence that she was bathed in. A chubby hand swiped its way across her face and a tiny foot kicked up under the blanket and it was clear that she was having a dream. He reached into the bassinet and gently lifted his daughter out, wrapping her back up in the fleece in order to protect her from the night cold. Sitting down in the oak rocking chair next to the bassinet he rested her against his chest in the position that she had come to love over the past two days, smiling to himself as he felt tiny infant breaths hit his chest.

'I love you kiddo' he said, as he pressed a kiss into the soft spot on her skull.

'You and your mum are the most precious things to have happened to me and frankly I don't know what I did to deserve you two but I'm no fool and I'm going to do whatever I can to make sure I never lose you both. You're my world, and your mums. You struck gold there by the way kiddo, your mum is one in a million and we're both lucky to have her in our lives' Peter smiled.

'Hey, she is supposed to be sleeping. She kept me up all afternoon while you were out' said a voice coming from the crack in the door.

'Hey, sorry I didn't mean to wake you' Peter replied, unsure of how he should proceed. If there was anything that he had learnt over the past four years it was that his partner was extremely hard to read.

'You shouldn't talk so close to the baby monitor then' She replied as she gently crept towards them, hoping to avoid the single creaking floorboard in the nursery. Gently she perched herself on the arm of the rocking chair and nestled her head into the opposite shoulder to the one her daughter had claimed.

'I'm sorry for getting so mad and asking you to leave. I was wrong to ask you to leave the house and your daughter. I'm sorry' Olivia said sincerely.

'You have nothing to apologise for Olivia, if anyone should be sorry it's me. I should never have told you about Henry, not just after you've given birth to our baby. It was wrong of me to put that burden on you' He replied, looking into those beautiful jade eyes he adored so much.

'No, I'm glad you told me. Full disclosure remember, no matter how bad it is. Henry, was that his name?' She asked as she stroked her daughters' bag through the pink striped onesie she was wearing.

'Yeah, she named him that. I'm not sure why though'

'Funny, I always hoped that we'd be lucky enough to have a child and if it was a boy I wanted to call him Henry. When I was on the other side he helped me back to you and gave me hope so I wanted to remember him and honour that belief he had in me in some way. I doubt that's her reasoning though' Olivia smiled before she continued speaking.

'Have you thought of him much, since you found out about him?' she asked. After a few seconds it became clear that Peter wasn't sure how to answer her question.

'I don't mind you know, if you want to talk about him' she said encouragingly.

'A few times throughout your pregnancy, especially when we talked about whether we thought it was a boy or girl. Selfishly I always wanted her to be a girl, I didn't want to face whatever I'd have to face if we had a boy. I felt like he would be a remember of everything bad that I did to you and I didn't want to think that every time I looked at our child.' Peter finally confessed.

'She looks like him though, doesn't she?' Olivia said knowingly. Peter simply nodded.

'After you told me about him earlier I sat up here going through everything in my head and then I figured out why you freaked out in the delivery room when you saw her for the first time, it's because you saw Henry in her didn't you?'

'Yeah. Guess I wasn't really prepared for that' He confessed once more, he had to admit this was beginning to feel extremely cathartic.

'But I want you to know that I don't see her as some replacement for him or a substitute because whatever happened she was supposed to be not him. When you were gone September told me that my shared future was supposed to spring from you, until _she_ got in the way and it kind of ruined that. In a way he was supposed to be ours, this was supposed to be ours in the other timeline too'

...

'Henrietta, well Etta' Olivia announced after a long pause.

'What?' Peter replied, not quite sure what she was getting at.

'I've been a mum for a little over two days now and the thought of losing my child would be unbearable, I knew that after one look at her. So what I'm trying to say is, no matter how he came to be he was still your child and I guess I have to accept that. You shouldn't try and forget him or try and put the image of his face at the back of your mind as that will never work and it will eat you up inside. He was your son and you should be able to remember him and celebrate his short life no matter how short it might have been. Before you came back I remember Walter saying that children leave an imprint on your heart that never goes away, even if they go and now I have her I understand. And, if what September said was true and _we_ were supposed to have a child in whatever timeline we find ourselves in then I think it's fitting that his legacy is carried on this way. To me she represents our chance for happiness but she also represents hope and I think in that way it's a fitting name. This way you get to remember your son, a piece of him will live on and as I say if it wasn't for Henry over there I may never have been able to have this so that's my suggestion. A special name for a special girl.'

'Etta'


End file.
